Secret Crush. New Letters
Oh you are so beautiful!
Your eyes are so green, aren't they?
I often think about your sex and your feet whether they are clean when you go to bed. Whenever I'm ovulating I look so good and am extremely horny for your balls. I just like so much how you run sad or hope around the world like a baby rabbit. Let me be the person who treats you right. Someone who never disappoints you and then drops you like a warm potato at the right moment. Speak with me the languages that carry me. Let me go on vacation alone, own a dog and never let me drink wine alone again. I wish your skin(coat) was not just a secret message for me. How I would love to be that person to whom you promise total devotion. From HAVING TO BEING AND BACK to LOVE. Trying all family members until you lose all your fears. Imagine that love is only for certain souls who know how to recognize the value of you. There is only love....only me and through forever. Your golden curls, your breathing when you sleep. Oh you beautiful! By all means, let me not be in an open relationship with you so that you know it's okay to commit. Let's do therapy together... Start a company... Sell well. Let's go to Italy and wear suits until the police find us and send us to Scandinavia. We are so fucking white. How can i become more of me and share like a silly Sunday.
Today I found out you are just a Fetish. Iam so sad about the way you think you are living queerness but you actually just objectify yourself and others in an inconsistency offering and cut off. You kind of hate femme fatale bodies and now I will make a Muse out of you because I have started to femme you back. These day in Eclipse: I will make a doll out of you that I will take as a modernistic lucky charm everywhere with me. Was there ever a time more banal and brutal considering our bodies?
I think we have become much more subtle with violence. You are pure poison for me. If my desire seriously reflects my ability to love, then maybe I don't love myself enough? Is my belly too fat? My breasts too far apart? Should I become a lesbian? Everyone tells me it doesn't make sense that I'm into queers with penises. I also can't stand penetration in that sense anymore. I prefer someone who makes me soup when iam sick. But unfortunately I don't find these people and is obviously not you. Is it true are there all just narcissistic sociopaths?
So where do I run to find a little peace? It is more important to me that you remain silent and cowardly? What is these monkey screaming in my head heading towards? I wish I didn't want to fuck you so badly. It's so annoying but I really can't touch this cake of yours. My dead ex said you're my new totem. You are so shallow and insanely subtly evil. Don't show your wounds, but just be honest. I know you will never give me comfort. Someone has power over you because it ignores parts of you. childhood dustiness. You mirror yourself in the desire of the other.
Yesterday I found out that you do not exist because I am never meant. You are supposedly only angry at your own division. Logically, and that may be the only reason, you're only mad at yourself after all. How often have I met people without empathy for the other. Nowadays everyone has trauma and flowers. I want to be sugar. Always melt at the sight of you. If only I could just see that you are so insanely boring. Not even interested in the world but only in the garbage it produces. Childish annoyances. This city wants from me the only right thing at this time: write poetry. wet me with your foreskin.
Your friends look at me as if they know something about me that I have never noticed about myself. Why is there a separation between the off and the serious? Is love only an intense matter for one night? Man how I would love to be like the "other" girls. No wonder that your cock rises better there. Man I would like to be your cock so that I can split you like a sword with the clitoris of those other girls. Man I would like to be your buddy. To them you have finally trust. Man I want to be chosen as one chooses a magician to help. I'm so high from yesterday and all the days where you stuck to me. How I wish I had you with me forever.